you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
