I got her a Nickelback box set.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
