I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
