I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
