could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
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So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
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