I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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