i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
