Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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