apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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