The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
if only i could text you this smell
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
