Screwed.edu
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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