i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
