A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
