i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
