i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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