So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
