I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
