I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Randomize
