it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
