I think I died a long time ago.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
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Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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