my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
