i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Randomize
