I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
