i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
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