Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
