i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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