Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
