Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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