ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I just want to make out with him forever
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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