Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
