She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
