Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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