No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
