There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I think i got beer on your cat.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
