Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
