What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
