Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Randomize
