I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
