walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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