She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
