Do you still have your period?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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