my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
