i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
