my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Randomize
