We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
