I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
