i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
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