i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
