there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
