I hate your face
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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