And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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