I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are