mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.