We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
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hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
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Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family