dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
