I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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