why didn't you poke me back
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
