My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
