I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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