your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
The uberlube is also flammable
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
