I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
