You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
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This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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