I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize