Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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