He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
