Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
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